Conversations With September...

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2017 has been a really great year for me. I've celebrated victories, small and large. I've gotten my finances in the best shape they've been at any point in my twenties. Peace has been a priority. Vibes have been positive....

And then came August. I hit a snag. My brain caught up to the fact that my heart was a little broken. Work became extremely overwhelming. Potential job offers kept falling through the cracks. I had my last appointment as a 20 something and it finally hit me that January 23rd would be here before I knew it. I freaked out a little. Ok, I freaked out a lot. I'm still single. I'm frustrated at my job. My finances are so much better but my credit score still isn't perfect and I still have some debt to chip away. I got a little discouraged. I felt a little stuck. My faith took a punch in the gut. I could give you story after story of what I thought would have fallen into to place by now. For me, 30 meant (means) you’re a real adult. It meant (means) you should have your stuff together! Childlike behaviors ought to be put away and it’s time for real responsibilities. Somewhere along the way, I adopted this mindset that 30 was it. And if you don’t have the husband, the kids, the nice house, the job, and so forth, that you’re behind the curve. That you’re missing something. Ironically, I successfully spent the first 7 months of the year literally enjoying life one day at a time. I can't tell you you why August felt different, but it felt like out of nowhere a switch was flipped and all of a sudden my 30th, the year when everything should be in place and I'd finally be a stable adult, had slipped away.

But something happened yesterday. Somewhere between drowning in overthinking about plans for my life, I stopped. I just stopped overthinking. I stopped feeling the anxiety that came with August. I stopped worrying. I stopped thinking four months out. I stopped being afraid of the future. I quit being concerned with creating this picture perfect life, which in actuality was a false reality because NEWSFLASH JESSICA: NOBODY HAS A PERFECT LIFE!!! 

Before last month, I’ve been at peace more than I know how to explain. It's been so overwhelming but at the same time, it's given me so much life, literally. Yesterday, God reminded me of something. My life is in HIS hands. It always has been and always will be. I’m not in control of what’s next. One of my favorite confessions that God gave me says “My life is exactly the way God planned for this moment. Nothing more, nothing less.” In light of this, I can look my the last few months of my 20s square in the face and not flinch. No husband, no kids, mediocre job (okay, good job- just not what I want), still paying off debt. But i'm here. I'm healthy, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have a roof over my head. My bills get paid on time. I might not be where I imagined I would be, but I’m smack dab in the middle of God’s plans for my life.

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I could totally be cliche and use Jeremiah 29:11 to illustrate my point, but I won’t. Psalm 37:23 says “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
‭‭This scripture is so powerful because it reminds us that we don’t have to figure it out. I could literally be freaking out about turning 30 and feeling like I am responsible for making something out of my life. But truth is that I’m not responsible. I don’t have to figure it out. The Lord directs the steps of the Godly. All we have to do is chill out and trust Him to direct.  It’s something to know that the God of the universe delights in every detail of our lives.  To know that He delights in the details of our lives gives me peace. To know means to have intimate knowledge of and to be intimately acquainted with who He is. Know His character, know His heart, know how much He loves and cares, know that He has a plan and know that He will work it out. I know that was a lot to read but I just wanted to encourage you to cease striving, stop relying on your own strength and trust in the only one who controls everything. God! Know that HE is God and we are not. We can rest on Him and not have to worry about what’s next! Rest on him for the remainder of this year. 

 

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