Two posts ago, in this section, I got a little vulnerable and shared one of my "Dear Future Husband" letters. Everyone in my inner circle knows that marriage is definitely a goal that I haven't and refuse to give up on even though I know that it comes with it's challenges and is a very serious commitment full of unconditional love, sacrifice and tons of grace. During my 21 day fast at the beginning of the year, I gained so much peace and reassurance from God while I sought him on how to prepare myself, in this season, to be the best wife I can be (read more, here). During my time with Him, I came to the realization that even though God honors preparation and the faith that comes with it, the wisest use of time now as I continue to grow in Him is to continue focusing on the greatest hope I already have that will NEVER leave or forsake me: Christ!
While on vacation at the beginning of the month, it was placed on my heart to share a few words of encouragement to women who are waiting on God. I got so many thank yous and good feedback in my DM's but little did I know, I was also writing it for myself. Just a few short days later, I received a phone call from the person I've been preparing my heart to love and although it wasn't anything dramatic, by the time I hung up the phone I was left with two choices, 1)be very disappointed or 2)rest in God's promise that He is enough for me, in every situation. I handled the conversation like I handle every curve ball lately, immediate prayer because I know I won't surrender what I'm facing to God genuinely once I get in my feelings (since I'm being honest) and then I took a nap because I'm a professional sleeper (not really, but kinda) and have learned that rest is VITAL in emotionally vulnerable situations. I'm very proud to tell you guys that I woke up, still happy in Jesus. The old Jessica would have found some sin or bad habit to cuddle with and pet as I tried to fill the void that comes with disappointment but I'm so very thankful for spiritual maturity and the ability to trust that God will never play me and that His "not right now Jessica" comes with a very promising "I have something greater in store for you!".
I can honestly say that this was the first time I'd EVER surrendered a relationship to God and told Him, "your will and yours alone be done". I prayed for the other person daily, not as my future spouse, but as an individual. I fasted. I was exclusive. I made myself available. I was forcing myself to grow more. All things I've never done before but was happily doing because I wanted to things the right way this time around. When it comes to courting with purpose, it's so easy to get discouraged if things don't end with a ring and a walk down the aisle. But it shouldn't be that way. I went through an AMAZING series on Courting vs Dating at church a few months ago and it couldn't have come at better time. During our time of dissecting the differences between the two, I came to learn the difference between the ways of the world and the ways of God. In the world, we see, we want, we pursue, we take, we date, we force things even if we aren't happy, we leave God completely out of the picture even though we want His blessing...the list goes on. But as followers of Christ his word teaches us to be patient, enduring, respectful, and to wait on God's perfect timing. In this moment, I'm choosing to do just that, wait on God's perfect timing.
I've always pictured my relationship, from start to finish, with my future spouse like a diamond. Not only are they are girls best friend, they are rare and formed over time and are extremely valued. Nowadays, you can acquire a synthetic one faster, created in a controlled laboratory setting for about half the price of a real one, and in any way you want it. It looks the same as the one from nature, but when examined closely, there is a difference and also not as valuable. The same goes for a relationship. The ones which have been created over time, taken effort to achieve, built on a foundation of God, trust, communication and faith, and have overcome adversity are the ones which are priceless. During this time of being single, my only goal is to to grow deeper in Christ and enjoy my life in it's current sate. When my time to fall in love and stay in love comes around, both God and my handsome future man of God will both have no doubt that I am genuine, the “real thing," and not an imitation!
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psalm 27:14)
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).