Looking back, I've finally healed, spiritually and emotionally enough to now be able to laugh at all the things I thought I wanted. I'm pretty sure you'll get more than a couple belly laughs when I tell you some of the stories I have saved in my arsenal and I to be honest, I can't wait to share them with you. I knew coming into 2017 that my life going forward would never be the same. Part of continuing my growth, through grace, has been preparing myself to be not only your wife, but preparing also to be your your prayer warrior, your best friend, your shoulder to lean on, your confidant, your goofball, your travel partner, your lover, your baby mother, and a million other things I can't wait to be for and with you! I always knew that I wanted to be a wife, your wife, one day but somewhere along the way I got lost in transition and forgot how important of a role that was. Somehow, I started wanted us to be all these things that served no purpose for the Kingdom of God and tried to find you prematurely by being this woman that I couldn't even identify with in peace that was defined by society's standard of what being a wife has become. Not to mention I was wayyyyy out of line by trying to find you and not waiting patiently for you to find me. BUT GOD!! I look back now and thank Him for His grace and mercy, both of which preserved the woman of God, YOUR woman of God, for such a time as this.
We just wrapped up an amazing series on Dating at church. Every series we've had since I've started attending has been so on point and so critical to becoming who I want to be in Christ. I'm so thankful for a ministry that invest in every aspect of my life, especially the parts that aren't normally discussed in church and if they are, the conversations are so religious that they don't answer real life questions that need answers other than just "pray about it". In the first teaching, Pastor Bowie did a head to head comparison between Dating and Courting. Even though I ran for years from the repsoniblity and maturity that comes with being courted, I hated dating with such a passion that I just didn't do it. The way he broke down how courting with a pursuit of purpose blessed my soul on so many levels that I took four pages of notes so that I could soak all the wisdom that was being pure out in. At the end of the four weeks I walked out of church so full and ready to wait as God orders our steps and writes a love story so beautiful that only He is worthy of getting the glory! I know that our mission, our purpose, and our vision as a couple will be so much more fulfilling than the trivial and materialistic I wnated my marriage to be structured around. Waiting matters, so I promise to wait. Purity matters so I promise to stay pure as I wait so that my calling, intimacy and time spent with Christ won't be compromised before I'm able to enjoy experiencing intimacy with you feels like. There's so much more that I can say because I expect so many good things to come out of our relationship but the thing about being patient is you just have to be patient. I will say that I'm loving the woman God is transforming me into. I love how no matter what my past consists of, my future with you was not destroyed. I love that learning how to love God as my father has taught me how to love myself as the daughter of the King. All of those things are teachimg me how to love you, selflessly and unconditionally and I can't wait to yes to you as we both say yes to our purpose as one!
I have days where it sucks not waking up next to you or being able to run in the living room and give you a kiss on the forehead just because. But none of those moments of longing are in vain. I've learned how to dig into the word and indulge in the promises God had has for not only me, but for you and our future adorable little humans. "For I know the plans I have for you," He says, and I know that without a shadow of a doubt that those plans are going to be some of the best and fululling times of our lives.
Until then, I thank God for you! I pray that wherever you are at this very moment, you are surrounded by the grace, favor, and unconditional love of our heavenly father. I pray that you are surrounded by Godly men and women of accountability to help guide you in your journey in with Christ. I pray that you are upholding the word of God as He continues to reveal himself to you in ways unimaginable. I pray that He grants you the patience and accountability to stay faithful to Him until His perfect timing brings us into each other's lives forever. May we both grow a deeper understanding of who God is so that we may honor Him in all that we do. I'm so thankful that our lives, as individuals and as a couple one day is far greater than either of us could have ever imagined. I have so much faith that He is more than enough for us, yesterday, today and our many forevers to come!
Love Always, Your AMAZING future wife (lol), Jessica Amari _______________ (You fill in the blank)