I've had a really refreshing start to my 2017 and am happy to say I've been settling into my 29th year nicely. As I sit back and watch God write the remaining pages of the last chapter of my twenties, I can't help but reflect on the things my early twenties have taught me to make me a stronger woman as I approach thirty. One of the things on my list of self improvement over the past 9 months has been refining my patience by trusting in God's timing alone. One of my biggest character flaws over the past 13 years has been the fact that I don't like to wait. I want things done when Jessica wants them done and over time that turned into me completely ignoring God's timing so that mine could prosper and stepping off the course of my destiny. For as long as I can remember, I always felt like waiting, pretty much in every area of my life, was a waste of my time. Everyone else wasn't waiting until marriage to have sex. Everyone else was graduating from college. Everyone else was falling in love or getting married. Everyone else was having babies. Everyone else was working their dream jobs. Everyone else was traveling to fun places. Everyone else, everyone else, everyone else! I literally wasted sooooooo much time comparing my life to other people's not so green grass that I completely neglected my own. So often, we (emphasis on we) call ourselves to things, they fail, then we want to doubt God because the enemy places seeds of discouragement into our heads. I’ve learned that you can’t blame God for the failures of your own plans.
After weeks of me shutting away, fasting and prayer, God said something to me that shook my world. I'm enjoying what it feels likes again for Him to rattle my philosophies and overthinking because most times, it’s just what I need to get back on track. God simply said “I am not bound by time.” Initially, I couldn’t wrap my mind around that because my entire life since starting high school has been consumed by this self made timeline that I never got good at maintaining. Now here I am, almost 30 and I've wasted all this time trying to be a version of Jessica God never intended for me to be in the first place.
As I questioned God (with the utmost respect!!!) He said to me “Because I’m not bound by time, don’t rush me!” God showed me that I’m always rushing to get to the next thing because I don’t feel like I have enough time to accomplish everything my heart desires. I rushed into college so that I could hurry up and get out on my own. I rushed into relationships to fill voids I created after losing my virginity which only produced heartache and failure and sin. I rushed to get a car after moving to Atlanta so that I "launch" my styling career and life here. All of that rushing produced a whole bunch of nothing. Although I still, by the grace of God alone, have a lot of good years left to wait on the good things God has planned for my future, He had to gently, but sternly, remind me that only He knows my end from my beginning. Nowadays, that simple but promising truth is enough for me. The waiting period hasn't been bad at all. I’m waiting to be married. I'm waiting to have little humans to love with all my heart. I’m waiting to be able to do work a job that I love. I’m waiting to be financially secure. I’m waiting to be able to do everything that God is calling me to do in ministry. I’m waiting for a lot of things but as I'm waiting I've found so much peace in once and for all not letting my anxiousness rush the hand of God. Yes, I'm almost 30. Yes, I'm still not married. Yes, I'm just now going back to school to pursue what I love. Yes, my finances are just now getting in order but I don't have to worry about any of those things anxiously because although I am bound by time, my God, who is also a faithful father that isn't intimidated by time!
"You can make plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail" - Proverbs 19:21
As you're reading this, I don’t know what you're struggling to wait for. I don’t know what God has promised you or what you’re looking to have or what it is that you need, but I’ll tell you this: Don’t rush God!!!! Don’t rush past His timeline for your life. I can tell you from experience that when you rush, it doesn’t produce great results. When you rush past what God has planned for you and try to make it happen for yourself because “God is taking too long”, you won’t like the results. I guarantee it. Don’t rush. Wait on Him. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 40:31 that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. That word wait can be translated into the word trust. In your time of waiting, trust that God knows what He’s doing. Trust that He knows when you’re ready to have the things that He has for you. Trust that He knows what it’s going to take to mold you and get you prepared to be able to sustain those things. When God makes a plan, when He gives you a purpose and He calls you, it doesn’t matter how absurd it is, how laughable it seems, or how under-qualified that you may feel, GOD will make it happen. As I step past my sometimes wavering faith and my anxiety to do what God is calling me to do, as I continue to wait, I’m learning that He meets me every single time!! He shows me how although I’m not qualified, HE is! And His qualifications are more than enough. Trust God in a way that strengthens your relationship with Him and that brings you two into a more intimate space. Don’t rush past what He’s doing in your life. God’s not bound by time. Take comfort in that!
"Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes. People ruin their lives by their foolishness and then are angry at the Lord." - Proverbs 19:2-3 NLT