Hello, my loves! It's May 15th and I've already posted three blog posts this month.....who am I and what has happened to Jessica Amari??! LOL! No, but really, one of my biggest goals this year is to give you guys more content and after an unexpected blogging hiatus due to work craziness, it feels good to be back in my zone and giving you all the things you've been asking for on jessicaamari.com. I had so much planned after celebrating my 1-year bloggervesary in February but life happened(nothing bad, just got really busy), work got a little hectic with renovations and corporate shenanigans and ya girl was exhausted! Off days were dedicated to sleep, much needed mental breaks and catching up on spending time with the fam. I received the sweetest texts and DMs during March and April asking if I was ok and if I was still blogging and my heart was so full knowing you guys care enough to think about me when I'm off the grid. But I'm back, in full swing, ready to grab the rest of 2018 by the horn and buckle in for the ride. What's been going on so far? I'll try to keep it brief, but here's the tea...
Settling into 30:
I'm probably the most annoying person leading up to my birthday. I LOVE that after the world celebrates New Year's, I get to have my own new celebration 22 days later in the form of my birthday. 29 was a great birthday for me because it was the first year of my twenties that I learned to indulge in the overwhelming peace that comes with a personal and unapologetically intentional relationship with God. Six months prior I didn't know if I should be more thankful that through a whole lot of grace I didn't look like the things I put myself through in years past OR just be happy that even though I'd selfishly spent the years before trying to force my will for my life instead of living a life of total surrender that reflected God's will, He's a good father who'd loved me back to life and restored all of my broken pieces by making me a new creation in Him! The excitement leading up to my birthday didn't dissipate after my special day was over. Three and a half months into my thirties, I can honestly say that the happiness, peace, and joy that I felt when I opened my eyes on January 23, 2018, is the same happiness, peace, and joy that I feel every day He grants me another chance to open these brown eyes of mine. It feels so good to be able to rest assured daily that my identity, my purpose, my peace, my happiness and my entire existence is rooted and grounded for once in God and God alone. I literally smile every time I say or write that! There's a difference in being touched by God and being transformed by Him. Through His grace, I was touched by Him so many times that I didn't deserve to be during my twenties. That was the start. Seeing myself be transformed daily, through that same grace, is such a beautiful feeling. As I grow more in love with who I am through Christ, it becomes easier and easier to celebrate the Jessica that I have always been and the woman that I am evolving to be. This is thirty. I'm thriving and I absolutely love how that feels. For once I truly know what it means to be patient with the process. To honor it. To trust it's timing. To embrace and be at peace with the unknown. To trust God without having selfish motives. To watch Him manifest EVERY great thing He has my name and my name alone on. To know that even though life is great now, my future is going to be so much more bomb and satisfying. I humbly but very confidently know who I am. I'm not trying to overthink life or anything else for that matter because I'm not trying to impress anyone anymore. At the end of the day, I want people to know that there's such an amazing peace that comes from getting in sync with the will of God for your life. I want to be the best examples of grace over perfection and purpose over popularity that I can be! I've never met another woman who I'd rather be. My hair is growing, I've gained a lil happy weight. My skin is clear. My focus is even clearer. I'm flourishing and it feels amazing. I'm looking forward to the best and most beautifully graced years of my life in the days, months and years ahead.
I would have graduated this month with a degree in Dental Hygiene but I heard not to go back to school after winter semester and so I didn't. It was the scariest act of obedience that I've had to face since rededicating my life back to Christ especially going into my thirties with only an associates degree in Business and going into another year at Home Depot after telling people that I wouldn't be there after this month. I celebrated my seventh work anniversary on April 12th, two years more than I had planned. But for once, I'm made peace with where God has me planted. I did really well in my dental program but I think what God was saving me from was entering into another work cycle that was safe and where the money was good but my soul felt empty every day I went to work because I wasn't reaching my fullest potential. I've finally come to grips with the fact that I'm a creative. It's where I am the most at peace, feel the greatest purpose and reach the most people. The dope thing about it is, my five year and ten-year goals are no less important now that I didn't walk across anyone's stage this week. My purpose is no less empowering now that I don't have an extra degree behind my name. What God has me placed on this Earth to do will still get done because I'm finally in alignment with His will, and that is enough for me. Extra degree or not, I'm super excited about my future in wardrobe coordination and event planning. Going through my certification course and seeing my attention to detail improve in the events I've planned over the last few months feels so good because for once, I'm doing something that fuels my creative passion. I know I won't be at Home Depot for much longer but until God tells me to move, I've found peace in where I'm planted. Work has taught me so much this year that I can apply to my event planning company and future businesses, especially in the areas of patience and discipline. If I'm honest, this has actually been the best spring I've had at work in a very long time, I have two great departments and I finally have a manager that keeps me focused on the bigger picture while challenging me to improve and grow a stronger work ethic every day that I clock in. If you know me, you know how much of blessing those things are within themselves. Even on my most hectic day, it feels good to clock out knowing that myself and my teams have kicked butt in every way possible.
Single? Dating? Mingling?
If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I thought I would be happily...................single, I would have told you GIRL BYE! I always thought I'd be married and have at least one little human running around that looks like me by now but I'm actually really really thankful that I didn't get married and dodged getting engaged during my twenties. Marriage is a huge responsibility and even though it seemed like everyone was getting engaged and happily married all around me, everything that glitters isn't gold and I know now that it wasn't my time to embark on that life-changing journey. I had ya'll excited for a minute last year after my birthday because I had someone in my life that I thought was promising. By the end of summer I blogged Single But Not Discouraged because we went our separate ways and by September I wrote Conversations With September where I shared how my brain had finally caught up with the fact that my heart was a little broken and how I had freaked out a little about almost being 30 and feeling behind the wave because I didn't have the husband, the kids, the house, the dream job, and so forth, that I thought I would. Somewhere between drowning in overthinking about plans for my life, I stopped. I just stopped overthinking. I stopped feeling the anxiety and pressure that came with ending a decade with nothing in place that I'd planned to have in place. I stopped worrying. I stopped thinking four months out. I stopped being afraid of the future. I quit being concerned with creating this picture perfect life. My single season has been such a beautiful time of growth and perspective. Every day isn't a walk in a park as I shared in a very transparent Instagram post a few months ago. But every day I get stronger in the woman God is grooming me to be as a wife and mother one day. I no longer want to be married for the shallow reasons I wanted to be married in years past. I no longer crave a fine husband just so that I can end my celibacy and have all the sex I want throughout the week. I no longer want a relationship that is insta worthy but not God worthy. I'm waiting for Him to introduce me to a man so in love with Him that when we join forces and become one, our future together will be covered by the love, grace, joy, peace, longevity, prosperity and blood of Christ! For whatever reason, I have this crazy faith that my wait will be worth it. I know God won't ever play me because His best for my life is even greater than anything I could ever dream of. For those of you who know how big of a homebody I am, I do get out more (lol). Everyone always tells me that my future husband can never find me if I'm always in my bed. Petty and always ready to clap back Jess always want's to respond, "yea but when he does, he's going to love keeping me there" but I'm trying my hardest not to be Petty LaBelle this year, especially since I know there's a lot of truth in that statement (rolls eyes). I'm getting better though, kinda. I gave someone my number for the first time in FOREVER and so far, he hasn't given me a reason to regret my decision or block his number....that's a start, right? Ha! All jokes aside, he's a good guy, his father raised him with manners, he knows how to hold great conversations that make me think, he makes me laugh, he loves his mom, he's a homebody and foodie like me. We're not dating and I'm not plotting to make Him future hubby but it's nice to have someone that makes you smile when their name pops up on your phone.
I know that was a long read but thanks for staying and reading! I'm working on some things for after vacation and I have my next Shop Your Closet ready to be published later this week. Stay tuned!